I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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