Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
