I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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