I think my vagina is haunted
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
