bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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