Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
