Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
