I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
