omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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