i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
