Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
