elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
