Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
