I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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