yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
