I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
