It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
