Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He passed out mid-signature
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
