I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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