i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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