HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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