maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would fuck him just for his dog
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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