Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
