you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
