It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
