Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
