Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
