No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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