Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
