im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
