I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, beer. Big fan.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
