Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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