Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
