Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
