I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
