i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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