it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
