We got so high we made milksteak
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
