I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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