It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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