Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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