Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
