whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
