did you get engaged???
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
