The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
