Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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