Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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