I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
