4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
