He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
