yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
