made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
