just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
