I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
