Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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